“Would you like artery clogging, fatty meat juice on that?”

Music: I wanna be a Supermodel- Letters to Cleo

I have a huge craving to watch Clueless right now.  Like HUGE!

Cher:  He does dress better than I do, what would I bring to the relationship?

Mel: Do you know what time it is?
Cher: A watch doesn’t really go with this outfit, daddy.

Cher: Would you call me selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.

Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?

Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What’s the point? Everywhere you go has valet.

Cher: “Second notice on an outstanding ticket.” I don’t remember getting a first notice.
Mel: The *ticket* is the first notice.

some of my faves… siiigh.

When I get my first paycheque I am going to buy:

1. a cell phone (ew, but it = social life responsibility)

2. a good bottle of wine

3. a new pair of shoes

4. Clueless!!!

5. Get hair done!!

(Let’s be honest, the real number one is pay some bills back home, and the real number two is BUY CLUELESS!!)

That’s right folks!  I GOT A JOB!!!!!

Okay, so it’s probably the lamest job in the world.  A lawn bowling club.  You heard me.  HeeeEEeey senior citizens!  I live in Australia and I’m serving retirees their $10 weekly roast with a side of chips and gravy (also getting them one step closer to their heart attack apparently).  There is a plus: the owners also own a fancy pants restaurant downtown where all the suits and suitettes go for their expensive meals.

One look at my waitressing skills and  I got myself some shifts downtown.  This Chica is not messing around!  She can carry four plates at once.  Also, the secret to impress any manager/supervisor: if you have time to lean, you have time to clean.

I’m feeling much better now that I have employment.  Running out of cash without certainty that more will be coming soon + (plus) all your friends leaving you +(plus) no one to play with can really get a person down!

I started working and highly enjoy the people I work with, typical aussies, super friendly.  Money, check.

Now friends: Funny story on how lovely life can be.  I was standing in a train station, when a fella’s tshirt catches my eye: Toronto Dee jays it says.  “HeeeEeeeey Toronto!”

“Wait a minute!  I know you!”

Shocked young adult male looks confused and slightly scared at the approach of a stranger who’s pointing fingers and loudly declaring that she knows him.

“Well, ok, we don’t know each other, but, you went to Guelph right?”

“Yaaahhh…”

“You were in psyc right?”

“Yaahhh… sorry, do I know you?”

“Well, kind of; we met one time in first year during frosh week at a bar.” Leah and Jamal both look at me like I’m crazy.  I happen to have a great memory for faces! “Also, you sold me a text book for a class.”

“Wow, ok cool!  How’s it going?  Sorry, what’s your name?”

So anyways, I’m desperate for friends, cause Leah is going to leave in a few days and Nat is going to go up the coast to school.  ME!  Alone!!!  Yikes!!  We exchange numbers, and a week later (with the comforts of a job and a volunteer position) we’re drinking a couple of cold ones on a patio during happy hour, downtown Brisbane.  We cover the “Who do you knows” and the “Which prof was your favourite?” and the “which bars did you go to in Guelph…” when this Scottish man and Irish man sit next to us.  The Scot tells us stories of snorting cocaine with Jack Nicholson and the Irish tells us stories of being robbed clean in Bali (a prostitute was involved), they also make sure our glasses aren’t empty.

They leave and in enter Dee and Josh, two Aussies who could be a duo on a Tuesday night sitcom lineup.  Dee is a happy bouncing, extremely quick pint drinker and Josh is a I-need-to-go-home-it’s-getting-late-ok-fine-one-more-fine-one-more-ok-fine-but-this-is-the-last-one-lets-take-them-to-this-club-and-drink-four-pitchers-of-purple-beverage-and-make-fun-of-the-20-unders-hooking-up-on-the-dance-floor.

“Do you guys wanna be my friends?!”

Sometimes you just gotta ask!

They look at each other:” We could fit her in next wednesday?” Dee proposes.

“Yah, i have a dinner party on friday.” Josh says.

“You guys are so cool.  Can we hang out saturday?”

“Now listen you, we just met, you have to work up to weekends.  Meet us Wednesday at 5 for happy hour.” Josh says.  I love these people.

Obama ate a Beaver Tail?!!?

Music: Beggin’- Madcon

I like to frequent the CBC… you know, stay caught up on what’s going on back home (there is only so much I can take of Aussie news… bushfirebushfirebushfire…oh and a car accident…there’s a Black President people!!!).  Right now there are a copious amount of articles related to Obaman’s visit to Canada!!!  Welcome!!! 

So I check out the first article that catches my eye: PM, Obama talk trade, Afghanistan, pledge ‘clean energy dialogue’   (http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2009/02/19/obama-visit.html).  I’m reading and reading and not learning much except wait!  Obama does what?! 

Eats a Beaver tail and gets maple cookies for his daughters.  Also, he has a relative in Canada.  Well hot damn!  How effing original!  (Beaver tails are a popular treat in the north made of dough and delicious toppings: try enjoying one after a skate on the Rideau Canal!)

Cool. 

 WHEN I TRAVEL ALL ANYONE CAN ASK ME ABOUT IS MAPLE SYRUP AND COLDNESS AND MENTION THEIR COUSIN/IN LAW/NEIGHBOUR THAT LIVES IN CANADA.

Anyways, I’m kind of bummed I’m not in Canada for all of these huge news stories.  DID HE GO TO A HOCKEY GAME?!?!  DID HE MAKE A SNOW MAN!?!?  DID HE SAY ‘EH’ TO HARPER?!?!        

But seriously, who doesn’t wish they had a new dream boat country leader?  Obama, what a babe.  This also caught my eye:

“Canadians are experiencing collective Obama envy,” Graves said.

In all, 47 per cent of respondents agreed with the statement: “Watching the excitement surrounding the inauguration of Barack Obama and comparing it to our own political leadership, I feel disappointed with our options.”

(http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2009/01/18/obama-poll.html)

What do I take from that? : Canadians wish they had a good looking, minority that gets his face and his families on the cover of People and Women’s World. 

Way to care about what’s important.  CANADA!  WE’LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS AMERICA!!!  Also, someone needs to tell the 47% that politics and leading a country isn’t about how cute/controversial you are.  Or is it?  what do i know..

In other news: Lindsay Lohan gets skinny again and Jessica Simpson gets “fat”. 

K, maybe I’m not missing too much… so what’s going on with that bushfire??

*I am totally joking about not wanting to hear about the bushfire, I think it’s a terrible, sad tragedy and my heart goes out to all the people that lost loved ones and their towns.

to donate:  http://www.redcross.ca/article.asp?id=30600&tid=001

I Say Tom’ay’to, You Say Tom’ah’to

Music: Robots- Dan Mangan

There is a difference between the countries in Asia that I went to and the ‘Western World’ that I can’t help but feel stands out the most to me.  (When I say Western world or culture, I am referring to places in the world that are influenced by the Industrial Revolution, the growth of Christianity and have some sort of status as a settler colony from European Empires, ie. Europe, North America, and Australia.  Japan kind of sits on the fence with me.  Even though they are very industrial, and have certain economic ties to the ‘western world‘ they have –in my opinion– remained slightly uninfluenced by the ‘western world’ concerning the topic I am going to discuss and remain true to their Japanese traditions; on the other hand, they loooove their bakeries and convinis!  I am also not including South America; mostly because I have never been there and don’t hold a strong opinion and also because of their economic standing compared to their neighbors north.)

The difference is food, diet, and nutrition.

I have always been quite health conscious.  I have my parents to thank for this.  Thank you parents for monitoring how much ’snack food’ (ie, things that come in packages and are highly processed) my brothers and I were allowed to consume, always having a well balanced serving of proteins, carbs, fruits, vegetables and dairy and for allowing me to be a vegetarian from a young age.  (Sometimes I lie … my mother did not fully support me being a vegetarian, but to be fair, this was because she figured as a growing girl I needed more protein).  Thank you for ensuring that we were always physically active and were only allowed to watch a certain number of hours of television and/or play video games.

As you age you eventually find out that (most of us) can not continue to eat ‘what we want’, everyone know that motabolisms slow down, certain places begin to expand and that bowl of ice cream will show up in the worst places.  That’s fine too, all part of the healthy ageing process.

Nato!!!

I’m not overweight and I’m not super thin, so I find it hard to notice weight gain since I don’t fluctuate too much.  I did notice that when I moved to Japan it felt as though I lost a layer of body fat.  Nothing crazy significant, but just lighter, in a way.  It did happen right away though.   My diet obviously changed: some super fresh fish, lots of oranges and fresh juices, loooots of cabbage and daikon (raddish), heaps of tofu, seaweed and the miracle food: nato!

As Nat and I travelled South East Asia we ate the usual foods that the locals ate.  When I lived in the north east of Thailand for a month I definitely only ate traditional Thai food.  This included lots of Papaya salad (loooaded with chillies), cucumber salad (also loaded with chillies), fresh fish stewed in clay pots marinating in chillies, tomatoes and other spices and tonnes of eggs, spinach, mangoes and guavas and (obviously) rice.  Sooo delicious.

I’m not gonna lie.  I got back to the western world and into a supermarket and I was like:

Cheeeeeese!!!  Yogurt!!!!  Crackers!!!  Pizza!!!  Those delicious sesame snaps!!!  Peanut Butter!!! Juice!!!  Other preservatives!!!!

Now I’m not saying I gained weight, but I definitely feel the food.  It’s hard to explain.  I feel like I’m trying to be healthy when I eat, but it’s like the preservatives that I haven’t been used to are seeping out my pores.  In Asia, you didn’t really have a choice… you had to seek out treats and pay a hefty price for them.  Here, I’m staying at Nats parents house, and we all know how parents keep their pantrys when they have school age children.  Toast and peanut butter (or vegemite!) for breakfast!  Cheese and crackers!  Cans of beans (what is that red sauce anyways?)!!  Popcycles!  Moms desserts!!  Preservatives, preservatives, PRESERVATIVES!!!

(no preservatives added?  see: http://www.inspection.gc.ca/english/fssa/labeti/decisions/preserve.shtml )

Yah, I can definitely feel them… in my skin, my face looks not as fresh as before, my eczema has come back, making me scratch at my skin and moisturize like crazy, I’ve got this crazy phlegmy cough (even though I’m not sick and don’t smoke), I’m getting more tension headaches and my back is aching, also, I do not recover well from a night of drinking.  It’s just interesting to me how much I can feel the difference these foods make.  There are other differences… but now isn’t appropriate.

I am thankfully someone who is observant and notices these changes in my body and blames them on my own actions.  Food change.  No, I don’t ever use scales, so I’m not freaking out over that.  I actually don’t care how much people weigh; I truly believe you can’t always see health in a scale.  So I’m making instant changes.  No more dairy (sometimes yogurt! and sometimes a nice piece of old cheddar ); sorry fish, but god knows where you came from, how long it took you to get here, and what the state of the water where you came from was; none of the crazy stuff we call bread and definitely no crackers; also, even though I love them, no cans of baked beans, the sauce has too many ingredients that I’m not fully aware of.  I’m not trying to diet or anything, I just felt sooo much better when I was eating asian.  I even miss rice!!! 

Again, this is not a diet.  I’d say I’ve been influenced by a few things and people:

1. We’re Number One!  We’re Number One!

Move over America, looks like you aren’t best at everything.  Australia has gone ahead and taken the crown.  It’s a big crown.  Not one to be super proud of.  It’s not even a good competition.  Do we really live in a world where countries are outweighing each other?  Where children are fat and at risk for diabetes?!  Where three year olds in the Western World could kill a six year old in a Asian country (just commenting on the size differences).

 http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article4171160.ece

2.  What’s in That?!

Let’s ask ourselves that more.  Also where does it come from?  And where are you when you eat it?  What does it do to your body and our environment?  Please take a few minutes to watch this!  (No worries, he isn’t a vegetarian and he is a chef).

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/mark_bittman_on_what_s_wrong_with_what_we_eat.html

3. Collapse-by Jared Diamond

I read this book while travelling and it opened my eyes a lot.  Jared Diamond offers a great point of view, writes well and makes you feel a little guilty.  Hence, why I stopped eating fish again.  (I can’t promise I won’t eat it again when I go back to Japan…).  Here’s a shorter article by him (Collapse is pretty hefty, but worth the read!!):

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/02/opinion/02diamond.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

Also, I have been influenced lately by the number of people that have to ask why I’m a vegetarian (or don’t eat meat).  Don’t they know?  Don’t they know the effects of eating animals?  Don’t they know what goes on?

Furthermore, I started looking into the way we eat and how it impacts our environment.  Some of my friends, after years of being vegetarians, started eating meat again.  Now, I will never tell someone to stop eating meat (I would suggest reducing your intake) , but, if you were a vegetarian, and you stood up for your beliefs for so long, just to decide one day to eat a big fat hamburger and not stop there, I gotta say, I am not impressed.  You know better!!!  I felt I had to convince these people to continue with their beliefs. 

I started with learning on how we can increase our iron intake without eating animals.  I went through a period of low iron in Japan and started getting mono like effects and losing hair.  No, I did not start eating chicken to get the iron back up, I just did some research on why this was happening.  Why was I fine for almost ten years untill now?  There are a few important reasons that I won’t bore you with now, but I’ll have you know I got my iron right back up there, au natural.  Furthermore, I didn’t even have to go to a doctor!  Google, people!!!  We have all this information available at our fingertips!!!  There is no excuse for taking the easy way out!

This brought me to other reasons, environmental reasons, why we should lower our meat and crap food intake (or cut it out entirely!).  Everyone is green obsessed these days!!  It’s becoming ever so fashionable to carry around cute reusable grocery bags, drive small cars, be into David Sazuki and focusing your university education on the environment.  Why is McDonalds still so popular?!?!!  I’m honestly shocked at the amount of people that still eat fast food.  Really?!  Couldn’t you pick something better?  What can you do?  People love fast cheap and easy.

Hopefully this post will encourage you to do some research on how to avoid becoming the fatest nation, avoid diabetes and heart disease and look for healthy alternatives AND feel better about your body .  Hint: The links above are a good start!

***this (other than the links above) is all just my opinion, I am not a scientist (or very smart!)! 

Rockstars can be Cool

Music: ah heck, Crystal Castles again.  Even though at the moment i’m chilling out to Hop Along Queen Ansleis.

“What about this show?!”

“$100.”

“Damn.  What about this show?!”

“$90.”

Leah and I are getting very bummed watching all of these sick performers coming to Brisbane and not having nearly close to enough money to see any of them.  Girl Talk, too much, Architecture in Helsinki, too much, N.E.R.D, too much, Leonard Cohen, too much.  Plus, all the really cool shows/festivals all seem to be in Sydney.

Sitting on the train flipping through the paper that they force upon you as you enter the train station.  Crystal Castles at the Met, Friday.

“Leah!  Let’s go to this show!  It’s for sure like $20.  We can kind of afford that!”

“$50.”  I say to her after looking the show up on the interweb.  “$50?!?!?!?  Who do they think they are?!  This show would for sure be max $20 in Canada.”

It’s Thursday, we’re bummed, we drink.  We go into town, get the attention of some business men on a business trip having some beers at a bar.  They buy us beers at this bar and take us in a pricey cab downtown to find whats happenin in the Valley.  Nothing.  Apparently Thursdays aren’t big here… but I’m told to remember that it’s summer and the students aren’t around.  We end up going to this so-so place.  It’s got beer and an old Atari that played me rather than me playing it.  Wasted a whole dollar trying to play pac-man.

Spot some Canadian looking indie kids.  (He was wearing a black hoodie with the hood up and a jean jacket over top.  It’s like 40 degrees at the moment.)

“Lindzy, those are the guys from the Crystal Castles.”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“How can you tell?”

“I think he wears a hoodie in that add in the paper about the show.”

“Should we go and ask them to get into their show?”

“Probably.”

We hum and haw over it.  We discuss how we have nothing to lose even if they do say no.  Plus, chances are they’re cool dudes who also disagree with the prices of their show and will be happy to have anyone recognize them and hook em up with a good time.

“Ok, lets do it.” I say.  I’m nervous for some reason but just ignore it and force my feet to walk over.  “Hey, are you guys from the Crystal Castles?”

“Yeah.”

I’m sure I said something lame like, oh wow cool nice to meet you.  Then of course I proceed to ramble on and on in my nervous shaky voice.  “Hey so we were wondering if you guys can put people on the guest list to your show?  We really want to go, but we’ve been travelling for the last four months and can’t find jobs and have no money and everything costs money here and we really want to go, but really can’t afford it and we were hoping that maybe you could put us on the guest list, if you can–”

I’m pretty sure they said yes to shut me up.

I’m happy to report that they were super chill and said it was no problem to put us on the guest list.  We talked to them a bit longer.  They turned out to be really really rad dudes.  I know they aren’t a huge deal but it was really hard to talk to them like they were normal people.  They are doing really well though and they told us that after their Australia tour they’re going on tour with the Cure in England.  Not too shabby.

Anyways, I was really satisfied that the guys (the girl wasn’t present, just Ethan and their drummer, Chris) could take the time to talk to two girls, buy them beers, let them go to their show for free and agree that $50 for their show was ridiculous.  They told us that they weren’t aware of how much the shows would cost when they agreed to play them and they also told us about their old metal bands and how that band didn’t succeed because of certain heroin addicts and that they weren’t even into electronic music, which I thought was kind of cool.  They aren’t in the scene at all, but they can still make cool music and you know they aren’t being overinfluenced by other music other than what they are into.   We even discussed funny Ozzie things we have noticed.  They EVEN said Bondi like Bondee.  Thank god it wasn’t just me!

We went to the show and talked for a while with the drummer, who I think is very cool and we should be friends cause I think we would be good friends.  Too bad he’s a rock star and has to travel around the world playing music and stuff.

They were given a bunch of electronic/dance music bands to open for them, but they weren’t into any and asked or something punkier.  They ended up choosing DZ, a band from Brisbane.  The band was a’right!  I enjoyed them and they reminded me of Death from Above, but younger.  The Crystal Castles came on and filled up the house and started a massive wicked dance party and the girl, Alice, rocked that shit and the whole time Leah and I were just like, these fuckers all paid $50 for this!!!  And we didn’t!!!!

We had a really good time.  Afterwards a decent dj came on and we danced the whole entire night with some New Zealander guy who was there alone so we let him in on the circle so that he wouldn’t be dancing solo.  One cool night in Brizzy: Mission Accomplished.

Love is all you Need. Unless You’re me, Then all you Need is JOB.

Music: Crystal Castles!!! (listening to them, talking to them, seeing them live, no big deal).

“Leah, wanna be my valentine?” Lindzy asked her good friend who she is currently living with.

“Yah!!!”  She pauses. “Unless something better comes along.”

Story of my life.

One time I saw Weezer for Valentine’s day with my high school boyfriend, Matt. That was really rad and uber romantic.  It was meant to be a surprise, but someone ruined the surprise, so I had to pretend to be surprised.  I think that that was also the Valentine’s day where he thought I told him I loved him, but I actually didn’t.  Awkward.

In Uni Ashley Howat and I were Valentines almost every year (not first year).  We pick a restaurant (usually it was mexican) and eat something delicious and then eat a delicious desert, and then get desert for our favourite bar manager,  Mike from Pablos and Doogies in Guelph, Ontario and enjoy a pint there.  (Erik came one time…sometimes he doesn’t have a girlfriend and I get to hang out with him…)

Last year, Erik, Phoebe, Stew and Ben sent me a Valentine’s day package.  They sent me half a bag of candy ’cause they were too cheap to send me a full bag, even though I couldn’t get wine gums in Japan and hadn’t had them in forever.  That half full bag was really nice though (well, at least half as nice as a full bag would have been)… as was the teeny weeny lil red panties they sent me as well.  They also sent me zany socks which I enjoyed cause I really like socks.  McClure also sent me a Valentine’s day card and one student (my favourite, Nagi) gave me peanut butter.

Also, that year, Tannis, Natalie, Leah and I threw a Valentine’s day party in Japan that was very succesful.  People hugged a lot and drank a lot.  The more we drank, the more we hugged.  It was lovely.

huuuugs!

In Japan, Valentine’s day is for girls to give presents to boys.  If a boy gets a present, he has to reciprocate on March 14th, also known as White day.  I got to tease one of my students, the tallest man in Japan, Tatsuya, who got a gift.  I did not get anyone a gift because I wasn’t fully aware of the rules.  I much prefer the way us North Americans do it and sit back waiting for Prince Charming.  Still sitting…waiting… hmmm… there’s a flaw somewhere…

I always think of my mom on valentines day, cause I really love my mom.

Mom and Me in Japan

I also always secretly want someone to suprise me with a single, unexpected daisy on Valentine’s day.   Probably because of TV and movies and my desire to be desired by a secret admirer.

I hate when people propose, start dating, get married or buy cards from Shopper’s Drug Mart on Valentine’s day.  I worked at Shopper’s Drug Mart one year, and we sold a lot of condoms that day (and cards… that just gave me an idea!  Cards with condoms in it!!  Epitome of romance!!  I bet lube would be pushing it…).

In elementary school I gave my boyfriend a really ugly teddy bear that I got last minute at Shopper’s Drug Mart (it’s open late) along with a cheap heart shaped chocolate.  I was not a romantic at a young age.  I did once make Matt Eby a mix cd with songs like “San Dimas High School Football Rules” by the Ataris and I think that that was pretty darn cute.

I love love, so I do like Valentine’s day.  Unfortunately I always forget to send cards ahead of time so that they arrive on the date of the reason for the card.  This is why you’ll never (almost never) get a card on the exact date of your birthday or on/before Christmas, New Years, Easter, Canada day or any other day important to people.

My mom is really good at this.  I get Easter cards and I’m like, shit!  Well, too late now… I’ll just call.  Then of course I forget to call.  This is one of the reasons I love my mom a lot.  Every Valentine’s day she would get my brothers and me something chocolaty and heart shaped (like a heart shaped chocolate) because she loves us so much.  She also always gets me cheesy birthday cards that start off with things like “Dear Daughter” and then proceeds to tell me how great I am.  I love being told once a year how great I am.  When I graduate things I get two cards like that a year.  If I were my mom, I would tell me what a burden I am once a year.  It’s been 25 years and I’m still calling and asking for cash or tax advice or life advice or shit I effed up please fix it advice or dammit, the country I live in doesn’t have my favourite moisturiser/tampons/mascara/peanut butter/pants that fit, please send, demands.  Yup, definitely a burden.

I like to put these thoughts back in my head on my mini list that I store there to remind me why not to have children.  Jesse (my older brother) clearly did not have a similar list.  By my age, he had three kids.  At my age, I don’t have a job, I’m living in my friends house for free, I’m eating cans of beans and cabbage and carrot salads and four cups of coffee a day, buying clothes rather than things I should be buying (food other than cans of beans) and watching dvds of Project Runaway.  Good thing I at least have a really expensive piece of paper that says I paid to go to school for four years and am qualified for nothing.

Me. If i had a super hairy face.

I’m still on the job hunt in Australia.  You’d think people would just be falling all over themselves to hire a Psychology and CJPP* graduate from the University of Guelph/ex-English teacher/way too much hospitality experience/coffee maker extraordinaire girl from Canada who you can only keep on for six months cause them the rules when you have a working holiday visa.

I did get a trial (this is where you go in for forty minutes to prove yourself to possible future employers) at a restaurant where the girl said I did a really good job (awesome, I’m good at running around taking food orders and bringing drinks and food to the correct tables, go me!). They told me they’d give me a call and put me on the schedule.  They didn’t do either (well, if they put me on the schedule, I don’t know about it, cause they haven’t called me).

I’m kind of ok with it though.  Remember how I said that all Aussies are super nice and friendly?  Well they all are.  Except one.  That one would be the owner of the restaurant I had a trial at.  He’s one of those people that walks around being angry 24/7 and the only thing that comes out of his mouth is criticisms, demands that are yelled or rude ways of saying something that could be said in a perfectly friendly way and still get the point across.  The whole staff warned me about him and appears to hate him.  (This was all noticed in the mear forty minutes of my trial).

I think that if he hired me, I could change his life.  I thought about this during my forty minutes.  Especially after he yelled at me for twirling my hair (a habit I can’t stop for the life of me, even if I tie my hair up, I’ll pull a little piece out of the pony tail and twirl it, untill I get angry at myself for this juvenile–and unsanitary– habit) but especially after he yelled at one of the staff members for not getting water fast enough or something.

I like to think that the amount of happiness and positive attitude that I possess, and my big shiny smile, are powerful enough to make people be happy and positive too.  All they need to do is see how easy it is to be happy and smiley and see the good things in life, rather than the bad, and how this behaviour and way of thinking is superior to the reverse.  It’s true what they say, when you smile, the whole world smiles back.  Could you imagine if everyone was smiling?  Doesn’t that make you want to smile?  I KNOW! Why would people choose to frown and be miserable over enjoyment and good times?  I could show him the way.  That’s probably why he didn’t call me and put me on the schedule.  He saw that in me… he saw that I could show him the light, and he wasn’t ready for happiness. Bastard.

I bet he knew I’d be extra super happy on Valentine’s Day, and he was extra super not ready for that, so that was the other reason he didn’t put me on the schedule.  Well, good, I don’t want to work for him anyway, and I want to be extra super happy and love giving on Vday and he definitely would have hindered that.  Now that I don’t have a job, I have so much time to make Valentine day cards for everyone and get them out almost on time (what day is it…?).

Speaking of being full of love, I’m reading a wonderful novel by Jonathan Safran Foer where he write beautifully on the subject of love:

I am not in love.

So she had to satisfy herself with the idea of love–loving the loving of things whose existence she didn’t care at all about.  Love itself became the object of her love.  She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for.

That is from Everything is Illuminated and so far it’s wonderful.

What am I going to do this Valentine’s day?  Well most likely look after Nats little siblings with Leah for Sharon and Laurie so that they can have a beautiful and wonderful Valentine’s day sans enfants. And also, send tonnes of positive love vibes to the world. (^-^)V

*Criminal Justice Puplic Policy

Upside Down and Backwards

Music: You by Atmosphere

I’m back in the western world, and many people want to know how I feel about it (probably because my feelings are really important).  The thing is, is I expected to be back in Canada after Asia; instead I’m in Australia, and though we are from the same people (those land taking British and French) there are tonnes of differences (some, perhaps insignificant) that I just have to point out like the jerk foreigner I am. 

I know I’ve already blogged about things I miss from Asia (ie. squatting on toilets, bowing and being a fatty in comparison.. oh no wait.. that I don’t miss…) but this shall be my culture shock list.  The Culture Shock of Being outta Asia and being Down unda’!!!!!!! 

Number One: Electrical outlets.  Yep, that’s what I’m starting with.  They are so weird here! 

Image A:

Tell me this isn’t ridiculous.  Who was the genius that was like: “Yah, so I know most places just do the straight up vertical prongs, but I had this idea…diagonal!“

“Diagonal?  Really?”

“Yeah mate!  Why not?!”

“Hmmm, well other than the fact that most of the world does it the vertical way, I can’t really see any reason why we shouldn’t go diagonal.”

Then there are the switches on top that you have to turn on before you can get electricity from it.  Really?  Another switch?  I know most of you think that this is petty, but I have Leah to back me up.  I felt silly bringing it up, but I just had to see if someone else felt such distaste for these plugs as I did. 

She sure did.  “Yah what’s the deal?  Like, who turned those in?  And what is with the switches?  I turned off the fridge without knowing it one day.  That wasn’t good.”

2. Accents.  Here’s a question:  Why can’t anyone do a good impression of an Aussie accent?  I’ve tried.  I listen to

Aussie Beer

certain words (on the train, or in Nats house) and do my best to mock them (I’m sure people are going to start thinking I’m crazy the more I mutter words under my breath repeatedly).  They use their mouths in ways that are not natural.  English accent?  Yep, I can loose the t’s and r’s (“glass o’ wa’ah please”).  Scottish accent?  Sure.  Irish?  Maybe.  Aussie?  Nope.  If anyone out there can do an aussie accent (other than trying to sound like Steve Irwin or using the typical slang) I will buy them a VB (that’s not an std, its the cheap beer here).

On a related note, they spell tire wrong.  I thought it was to look cool, you know, like how people write things with a zed instead of an es or a kay instead of a cee; but no, they spell tire, tyre.  True story. 

3. STDs.  When I saw Jess in Thailand, she had just come back from a year of living, working and studying in Australia.  What did she learn?  

“Lindzy, if you’re thinking about making out with any Aussies while you’re in Australia, just remember this: the percentage of people with herpes in America is 5%, in Oceana, it’s 78%.”  Gulp.  Ewwwwwww. 

(Just so everyone knows, she learnt this on the internet, no through experience).

That took me back to another fact that a Canadian girl I met in Laos told me : “New Zealanders are the slutiest people in the world.  That’s an actual fact.  Australia can’t be far behind.  The guys there only want one thing from you.”  Natalie confirmed this by honestly admitting that they are very loose country and Aussie guys are pricks (my apologies to kind and sweet Aussie boys and respectable Aussie girls).  Kristin (the Canadian) told me I’d be shocked at how much more conservative Canadians are compared to our pals down under. 

Good or bad?  You decide.   (I bet you’re all super thankful I opted not to post an image for this entry )

Next:  Patriotism.  I once said to Natalie that it was interesting to me how patriotic Australians and Americans and Brits are.  I know I know, people think that Canadians always travel with their Canadian flag on their backpack, but I’ll have you know that I did not see that a lot in my travels, and how else are people going to know we’re not American (not that there is anything wrong with that.. it just gets annoying to continuously say, “No, I’m Canadian.”  and then have the person that asked you if you were American to go on and on about being sorry and how they thought that maybe you were Canadian, but just asked if you were American and now they wished they had gone with their instinct and that Canada is so beautiful and they really wanna go there some time… to that place called,… oh what’s it called?  with the mountain?  and the… yah Whistler!  that’s it!  and do you like Americans and does it insult you when people ask if you are American and are you really part of the Commonwealth?  No kidding?!  and how cold is it there now?  and do you like hockey?  can you speak French?  can everyone speak French?  And are you from that city in Canada… whatsitcalled, Seattle?)  Seriously, sick of this conversation, slap that flag on my backpack stat!  Actually, I don’t have a flag on my backpack… but I see why… and by the way, the Seattle comment was from a Brit… way to be up on geography buddy. 

Anyways, Natalie seemed genuinly surprised that I thought Australians were patriotic.  She insists that they aren’t.  Let’s see.  Beach:  aussie towels, aussie bathing suits (patriotism scale: 8/10… I don’t even think there is a Canadian bikini…beer bikini, yes, but a maple leaf on my swim shorts, no). 

Movie store: shelf dedicated to Aussie films (P scale: 6/10).

  Bodies: I’m pretty sure everyone has either the southern cross tatoo or a frangi pani (very popular flower

oi!oi!oi!

here). (P: 9/10)

 Around the towns and on TV: they seem to always want to remind people that they like to say G’day mate, and other “aussie sayings”; the popular slang is always written down in big bright bubble letters to advertise things, like if it was written in proper English, no one would have any idea what it meant.  Sometimes I like to imagine a commercial saying “put another burger on the barbeque” and the whole country just going, huuuh???  Ahaha, chuckle.   (P: 7.5/10).

 

5.  Two scoops of…sultanas???   Kellogs Raisin bran is called Sultana Bran.  Enough said.  Just imagine:  Two scoops of sultanas in a package of sultana braaaaan.  That does not roll off the tongue. 

minor differences

 6.  Suburb lovin’.  I can count the number of cities in this huge country on one hand.  Okay, fine, two hands.  Here I go, Perth, Adelaide, Sydney, Melbourne, Canberra, Brisbane, Cairns, Darwin, Hobart… wait I didn’t even get to ten.  I turn to Leah for help.  I tell her I’m trying to think of ten cities in Australia and ask if there are any other big cities.

“Uuuh… yah h–”

“That people would know of.”

“Oh that people would know?  No.”  Looks back down at her computer.

It’s crazy to me that there are less than ten big cities in this country!  The rest are suburbs attached to the cities.  Nat tried to make excuses:

“Well, we have a small population.”  Australia: 22 million, Canada: 30 million.  I couldn’t even get through one province without going over ten.

“Well, half of Australia is unliveable.”  Australia: desert and rain forest.  Canada: the artic.  Face it, Australia loves suburbs. 

suburb lovin'

 

7.  This one is my favourite:  Guessing ages.  Aussies loooooove guessing ages. It all started with these Aussie boys we met in Thailand.  They were kind of cute and we ended up going for a drink with them.  Then it came to asking ages.

“Well how old do you think we are?”  The boy asks.                       

Here's to you...

“Oh, I dunno, my age?  23?  24?”  I guess.

Jess: “Definitely like 19.” 

Me: “Noooo waaay.”   The boys chuckle, my smile fades.  “You’re kidding right?”  They’re mostly 20, some are 19.  Good lord. 

Jess: “All Aussies look older than they are.  It’s the sun.  Trust me.”

Remember cute boy on the plane?  Thought he was my age, turns out he was 21.  Met some guys at the bar the other night… they were looking pretty cute… until their Scottish friend whispered to me: “They’re 19.”  Fuck off.  This is going to be rough… my options are herpes or 19 year olds.  Awesome.   Also, 19 year olds were born in 1990… that little fact is scary to me.

Other than being terrible at being able to judge their ages, they love to ask you to guess.  Everyone I meet has to ask me to guess their age rather than just tell me.  What is that about?  Guessing ages is not fun.  Guessing “what” is fun, but not guessing ages.  There is almost never a good guess, unless of course you get it right on. 

8. Can I get a coffee please?  Apparently, no.  You heard me.  There is pretty much no such thing as drip coffee

the Classic

Blenz Coffee

here.  All you can get in any coffee shop or restaurant is some form of drink made from espresso.  I love espresso, don’t get me wrong, but when it’s 8 am and I’ve got to get to a job interview, I just need a large, dark, black coffee.  Not a flat skinny white, not a short black, not a cappucino, not an americano, A COFFEE. 

Second Cup

 

 

 

 

9. Everyone is….bigger… Yeah, it’s an obvious one… the whities are bigger than those cute and tiny little asians.  I can’t help but notice… big people, big kids, big superstore grocery stores with big shopping carts full of big boxes of food.  Recently there was a study done and the Aussies have done it… they beat America.  They now have the most obese nation.  Congratulations.  Maybe it’s because they don’t have a health food section in their grocery stores… Leah and I tried looking for it… also, maybe it’s because of the ridiculously overpriced food; even more pressure to buy the cheap crap.  Either way…

Just so I don’t sound like a hater… some may be livin’ large, but they know how to dress.  That is one similarity with Asia; the Aussies almost always look good.  I like that in a country… no sloppy fashion don’ts walking around.  Beautiful clothing and cool fashion everywhere.  Alright alright, there are some of fashion don’ts, but, for the most part, they are well groomed. 

10. Friendly without a motive.  In South East Asia, if someone was friendly to you it was almost always because you gave them money, they wanted your money or they wanted to practice their English.  Here, they are just nice for no reason.  I had the greatest conversation with a guy in a bank today, as well as a guy trying to collect money for a charity.  I know what you’re thinking: The guy collecting money for a charity wanted my money!  Wrong!  He didn’t even give Leah and I his shpeal.  He just asked us how we were, noticed we were foreigners (“Hey!  You guys are foreign!”) and started talking to us about where we’d been and what we were doing in Brisbane. 

Everyone is so nice!  Nats parents are letting Leah and I stay here for free and being awesome and cooking many vegetarian meals; when you’re looking for a job, the aussies working don’t make you feel like you’re doing something wrong by asking for a manager or handing in your CV (does anyone else feel guilty when job hunting?  I always have this feeling that I’m putting the whole world out by asking for managers, printing off lots of stuff about me and trying to convince someone that I don’t deserve to be unemployed…Aussies are practically giving you jobs the second you walk in… or at least they make you feel like that.)

Well there it is… sorry, this one got kind of long… but I’ve been saving them up all week!  I want to end this, but I just can’t help but add oooooooone more:

take a break girl

11. Rihana:

How many singles did this girl put out while I was in Japan???  Holy crap!  Every other song on the radio/mtv is her; whether its her solo or teamed up with T.I or J.T.  I was at a bar the other night and seriously they played seven songs by her.  In one hour.  (OH! Heeeeyyy eeeeeey eeeeeey!)  I’m over it.